T30P week 1

Here I am a week later to report how I am doing on my project. I really wanted to do a daily update but after infinite diapers, laundry, meals, tickles, Cinderella, clipping nails, Cinderella again, teething gel, kisses, more tickles and bath time, I’m finally able to put the kids to bed and all I want to do is nothing!

I still want to try to do updates more often but for now I can only promise once a week.

Week 1 of my T30P was heavy. I had some heavy feelings in my heart and they came with no invitation.

I spent a great deal of time reflecting on things to better myself and I found myself overwhelmed. The whole reflecting time was to motivate me but it backfired making me very depressed. “I’m an awful person,” I thought. “I should have started this project 10 years ago”.

My “meditate 30 minute a day” goal turned out to be “thinking how awful I’m for 4 straight days”, and it got so bad that I couldn’t stop having those thoughts and not even 12 mg of Melatonin every evening were able to help me to sleep.

On Thursday I was so frustrated while I was driving that I said out loud “I just think I can’t do it”, then I repeated “I just think I can’t do it”, and then I thought of a funny harmony and sang “I juuuuust thiiiiink I caaaaan’t do it”.

The stoplight turned red and I saw myself laughing at that funny harmony. “I think it will not be that hard to compose those songs” - I said to myself “For the food goal I want to learn how to make a salmon carpaccio, and making the paintings will be so fun”. Right after that thought I realized I was right in front of Hobby Lobby so I decided to get in and look for an employee that could answer some questions about the right brushes and paint.

Bad thoughts are like a cancer! They can take over everything within you, and in my case a good thought was the cure.

That evening I gave myself dates for every goal because knowing myself as well as I do, procrastination has the potential to become a big problem.

This week while I was getting some groceries I noticed a man in his mid 40’s in the grocery store parking lot. He was about to leave but had forgotten a loaf on the top of the car. He wasn’t so close to me but my first thought was: “Juliana, you want to become a better person, save the bread”, so in my high heels I ran towards his car and stopped him.
“I really appreciate it” – he said. And that made me feel good, really good.

Last Friday a group of moms from church invited me to a play date on the park. I’ve been living here for a couple of months and I don’t really know a lot of people. Those ladies have been really nice to me at church and it would be a great chance for me to get to know them, plus one of my goals is to make new friends. My GPS couldn’t find the park and I was really frustrated, but after about an hour I finally found it. I was so happy for not giving up and as soon as I got off the car I felt this horrible pain on my knee (it’s day 3 and it hurts like childbirth). A part of me really wanted to go back home and ice it, but I decided to stay and we had a blast. I was in so much pain and I kept laughing with my thoughts: “Gosh, I am probably desperate for new friends to be enduring this knee situation”. A couple hours later Adam and Emma were sweaty and dirty and couldn’t stop smiling and I was able to get to know the girls better. One of them invited us over for dinner this evening and we loved every second of it.

Yesterday I also started my first sewing project and I learned two things; first, I enjoy sewing. Second, I have no clue what I’m doing. I hope I can finish it this week and by next Sunday I can post some pictures.

Week One Conclusion: Kids were happy, mommy was tired, a knee got hurt, a loaf was saved, a sewing machine is being used for the first time, friendships are starting, my negative thoughts are still hurting and my good thoughts are keeping me going.